April « 2009 « Rivenrock Gardens Cactus Blog… go to www.rivenrock.com for edible cactus

‘Central Coast Barbie’ or ‘Trashy Women’

~Confederate Railroad~
‘Trashy Women’

Well, I was raised in a sophisticated kind of style.
Yeah, my taste in music and women drove my folks half wild.
Mom and Dad had a plan for me,
It was debutantes and symphonies,
But I like my music and I like my women wild.

Yeah, I like my women just a little on the trashy side,
When they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed.
Too much lipstick an’ too much rouge,
Gets me excited, leaves me feeling confused.
An’ I like my women just a little on the trashy side.

Shoulda seen the looks on the faces of my Dad and Mom,
When I showed up at the door with a date for the senior prom.
They said: “Well, pardon us son, she ain’t no kid.
“That’s a cocktail waitress in a Dolly Parton wig.
I said: “I know it dad, ain’t she cool, that’s the kind I dig.”

Yeah, an’ I like my women just a little on the trashy side,
When they wear their clothes too tight and their hair is dyed.
Too much lipstick an’ too much rouge,
Gets me excited, leaves me feeling confused.
An’ I like my women just a little on the trashy side.

I like ‘em sweet, I like ‘em with a heart of gold.
Yeah an’ I like ‘em brassy, I like ‘em brazen and bold.
Well, they say that opposites attract, well, I don’t agree
I want a woman just as tacky as me.
Yeah, I like my women just a little on the trashy side.

Whoever made this up, knows the local towns.

It’s amusing to think of these towns as you read the descriptions,
and yes, each town has some sections that fit the description.
Yeah, the Central Coast is a pretty cool place to live…..

limited-edition Barbie Dolls for the Central Coast :

“Santa Barbara Barbie”

She comes with an assortment of Kate Spade Handbags, a Lexus SUV,a long-haired foreign dog named Honey and a million dollar home.

Available with or without tummy tuck and face lift.

Workaholic Ken sold only in conjunction with the augmented version.



” Pismo Beach (outlets) Barbie”

The modern day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Wind star Minivan

and matching gym outfit.

She gets lost easily and has no full-time occupation...

Traffic jamming cell phone sold separately.











“Oceano Barbie“

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun,

a Ray Lewis knife, a Chevy with dark tinted windows, and a Meth Lab Kit.

This model is only available after dark and must be paid for in cash

(preferably small, untraceable bills) unless you are a cop,

then we don’t know what you are talking about.





” Cambria Barbie”

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or Hummer H2.

Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card and country club membership.

Also available for this set are Shallow Ken and Private School Skipper.

You won’t be able to afford any of them.





” Lompoc Barbie”

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans two sizes too small,

a NASCAR t-shirt and tweety bird tattoo on her shoulder.

She has a  six-pack of Bud light and a Hank Williams Jr. CD set.

She can spit over 5  feet and kick mullet-haired Ken’s butt when she is drunk.

Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate flag bumper sticker

absolutely free.

”Orcutt Barbie”

This collagen injected, rhino plastic Barbie wears a leopard print outfit

and drinks cosmopolitans while entertaining friends.

Percocet prescription available as well as newly built condo.





“Nipomo (swap meet) Barbie”

This tobacco-chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own

high-heeled sandals with one broken heel

from the time she chased beer-gutted Ken out of Oceano Barbie’s house…

Her ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails, and a see-through halter-top.

Also available with a mobile home…





” San Luis Obispo Barbie”

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,

arch-less feet, hairy armpits, no makeup and Birkenstocks with white socks.

She prefers that you call her Willow .

She does not want or need a Ken doll,

but if you purchase two Barbies and the optional Subaru wagon,

you get a rainbow flag bumper sticker for free.







” Santa Maria Barbie”

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and 2 infant dolls.

Optional accessories include a GED and bus pass.

White boy Gangsta Ken and his 1979 Caddy were available,

but are now very difficult to find since the addition of the infants.



” Atascadero Barbie”

She’s perfect in every way.

We don’t know where Ken is because he’s always at church meetings.

Bike to Barn

There is an environmental shopping site called www.localharvest.org. We sell nopal cactus through their site. One day, the owner of the site, Guillermo Payette came by with a companion named Megan. The two were on a motorcycle tour called ‘Bike to Barn’, and were visiting some of the farms selling in their network.

They made up a fun little webpage diary of their visit to our place.

Site stats

It’s fun to find interesting site statistics. Usually I rely on our server logs to see how many people visit our main site, www.Rivenrock.com , how long they stay, etc…. this lets me try to ‘tweak’ the site to make it more interesting.

We’re now at the point where we get some 8,000 individuals monthly who visit the site. I found a public website that collects data on website visitors… their report on Rivenrock is very entertaining… they even break it down to gender, income and racial categories of the site visitors.

Planet Green visit

“The cactus John Dicus grows out at Rivenrock Gardens are really surprising! They have an incredible flavor—a sweetness with citrus notes, fresh, crisp, green and alive! It’s a shame that we cooked ‘em as John’s cactus are excellent raw! “

Wow, now that’s a ringing endorsement!

We had Television chef/personality Gregory Schaefer over here at the cactus farm last summer as a film crew recorded him in a cooking competition with local raw food chef Gary Hamel. They both cooked up fine dishes that I’d love to just sit down and eat any ol’ time.

You can read the entire article at Planet Green/Discovery

Lullaby.. or no-lullaby? That is the question

Heck, why can’t we have it both ways?

‘Lullaby’
~Shawn Mullins~

she grew up with
the children of the stars
in the hollywood hills and the boulevard
her parents threw big parties
everyone was there
they hung out with folks like
Dennis Hopper, Bob Seeger, Sonny and Cher

now, she feels safe
in this bar on fairfax
and from the stage I can tell that
she can’t let go and she can’t relax
and just before
she hangs her head to cry
I sing to her a lullaby, I sing

everything’s gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything’s gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye

she still lives with her mom
outside the city
down that street about a half a mile
and all her friends tell her
she’s so pretty
but she’d be a whole lot prettier
if she smiled once in a while
`cause even her smile
looks like a frown
she’s seen her share of devils
in this angel town

I told her I ain’t so sure
about this place
it’s hard to play a gig in this town
and keep a straight face
seems like everyone here’s got a plan
it’s kind of like nashville with a tan, but,

everything’s gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye
everything’s gonna be all right
rockabye, rockabye

‘No Lullaby’
~Jethro Tull~

Keep your eyes open and prick up your ears —
rehearse your loudest cry.
There’s folk out there who would do you harm
so I’ll sing you no lullaby.
There’s a lock on the window; there’s a chain on the door:
a big dog in the hall.
But there’s dragons and beasties out there in the night
to snatch you if you fall.

Balloon Festival in Paso

Paso Robles is a small town an hour north of us. It is in the middle of a large plains-like flat-’ish’ area of very gentle rolling hills (to us in real hills it seems almost flat, and reminds me of Nebraska with grapes).

My sister and her family live there, and my nephew Jason attended the balloon festival that the California Balloon Association put on this last weekend. He got some very good photos which he loaded into his blog. I encourage you to visit and see the colorful photos.

Don’t grow fuel, grow food

The mania that drove the herd to take the people’s food and convert it into a fuel that most cars can’t use…. and takes almost as much diesel to produce as it makes, is starting to be seriously debated now. Finally some media folkshave pulled their heads out of the cornhill and looked around at the rising food prices resulting even in food riots in poor countries that can’t compete for corn when it doubles in price. All this so we can grudgingly pump it into our fossil-fuel burners and destroy our own gas mileage so some people can feel they did right for the earth. But they are forcing us into a losing campaign and strategy that will actually increase carbon outputs, destroy soil, lead to a ‘dirt race’ pushing food production aside… and ultimately cause untold numbers of dollar losses in a wasted extravaganza of ‘feel good’ politics and subservience to mythos.

So often, the people and the politicians jump together, each leading the other in a zeal to comply with whatever ‘righteous-policy’ implementation must be forced through. These are usually extreme strategies and can fall on either side of the political spectrum. It is at the siren call of calamity that people jump up and say ‘Somebody’s got to do something!’, and at that time the mantra of ‘do something’ becomes such a tidal wave that any rational thinking is suspended, and anyone calling for discourse on the matter is immediatly colored-in with whatever spectrum suit the politics of the matter, painting with the broad brush of ‘unbeliever, traitor, abuser-of-the-earth’ or whichever title is held at the moment as an unwearable collar.

Folks, growing our fuel is not that great an idea. We have plenty of waste products that could be formulated into a fuel once the proper procedures are found… this is known as ‘Cellulosic ethanol’, and I feel once the procedures are found to process this, we’re going to be using our present wastes from landfills, and sewage systems, packing plants, and other ‘waste-stream’ products, and converting it into high quality fuels, various metals, oils, carbons, and a residue that might serve as either feedstock, or fertilizer. Once these processes are perfected we’ll find ourselves digging into the mountains of waste deposited the last century, we’ll be able to safely use these materials, reducing the piles of materials into their base constituents, with all pathogens destroyed in the process…. in essence we’ll be able to rid the earth of the huge layers of toxic materials we’ve been putting everywhere.

Such a process could be placed onto a forty foot trailer, hauled anywhere and set up to process agricultural waste, or even to clean soil ridding it of waste such as heavy metals that may have leaked into it. This is what the government should be promoting, not this fallacy of using ag land for growing fuel.

Also, the economics of things will work it’s subtle ‘invisible hand’ making adjustments in people’s behavior. This has happened with the number of miles people drive, and folks have been tending to shift their miles to their ‘more fuel efficient’ vehicles if they have that choice. But this government policy of forcing ethanol onto the public when it is not going to do what its proponents claimed, and not only will be a huge money loss… they will also be wanting a ‘bail-out’ along with half the other big businesses.

This is not to say we should not promote conservation of fuel, struggle for higher gas mileage, and other forms of energy such as wind, solar and ethanol and bio-diesel from materials such as switch-grass and algae. But these are all items that must also not be rushed after in a blind lemming-like pack mentality. Wind power for instance is somewhat unreliable, and producers often must keep fossil fuel burning plants idling, ready to fire up quickly when the wind dies down. Solar has similar issues with nightfall. I think in the future, it will be found that the best source of fuel is the individual family roof. Solar power will run the house in the daytime, and power any vehicle plugged in at the time. At nighttime, the plugged-in vehicle can feed power back to the house. This all sounds a bit far-fetched at this time. But in ten years the average home will be powered using much more efficient appliances, and the car batteries will be able to sustain a car on a long voyage, as well as power the house all night. This business of using the Central Plains for wind production, and having to have huge relay towers to carry the electricity to New york and Boston is bogus…. the infrastructure for that is so huge…. the ‘smart system’ so extensive and complex.. perhaps it’s better to have individual cells, each cell is a home… each feeding into the local power structure and charging cars and home batteries during the prime times…. and then each one feeding off their car and home batteries when the sun is down, no wind, etc. In essence, individual ‘smart systems’, each tied into the larger local smart system, that tied into the neighboring smart system for power sharing etc. Yeah, if we let it, if we think it through, technology can save us….

on villains

~Shakespeare~
“One may smile, and smile,
and be a villain.”

From Hamlet

The Dark Night of the Soul

~Loreena McKennitt~
Adapted from the poetry
of San Juan de la Cruz
‘The dark night of the soul’

Upon a darkened night
the flame of love was burning in my breast
And by a lantern bright
I fled my house while all in quiet rest

Shrouded by the night
and by the secret stair I quickly fled
The veil concealed my eyes
while all within lay quiet as the dead

Oh night thou was my guide
oh night more loving than the rising sun
Oh night that joined the lover
to the beloved one
transforming each of them into the other

Upon that misty night
in secrecy, beyond such mortal sight
Without a guide or light
than that which burned so deeply in my heart

That fire t’was led me on
and shone more bright than of the midday sun
To where he waited still
it was a place where no one else could come

Within my pounding heart
which kept itself entirely for him
He fell into his sleep
beneath the cedars all my love I gave
And by the fortress walls
the wind would brush his hair against his brow
And with its smoothest hand
caressed my every sense it would allow

I lost myself to him
and laid my face upon my lovers breast
And care and grief grew dim
as in the mornings mist became the light
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair
There they dimmed amongst the lilies fair

The Charge of the Light Brigade

~Alfred Lord Tennyson~
‘The Charge of the Light Brigade’

Half a league half a league,
Half a league onward,
All in the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred:
‘Forward, the Light Brigade!
Charge for the guns’ he said:
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

‘Forward, the Light Brigade!’
Was there a man dismay’d ?
Not tho’ the soldier knew
Some one had blunder’d:
Theirs not to make reply,
Theirs not to reason why,
Theirs but to do & die,
Into the valley of Death
Rode the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon in front of them
Volley’d & thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
Boldly they rode and well,
Into the jaws of Death,
Into the mouth of Hell
Rode the six hundred.

Flash’d all their sabres bare,
Flash’d as they turn’d in air
Sabring the gunners there,
Charging an army while
All the world wonder’d:
Plunged in the battery-smoke
Right thro’ the line they broke;
Cossack & Russian
Reel’d from the sabre-stroke,
Shatter’d & sunder’d.
Then they rode back, but not
Not the six hundred.

Cannon to right of them,
Cannon to left of them,
Cannon behind them
Volley’d and thunder’d;
Storm’d at with shot and shell,
While horse & hero fell,
They that had fought so well
Came thro’ the jaws of Death,
Back from the mouth of Hell,
All that was left of them,
Left of six hundred.

When can their glory fade?
O the wild charge they made!
All the world wonder’d.
Honour the charge they made!
Honour the Light Brigade,
Noble six hundred!

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